Distance
by Nym13
Summary: Do people who are so close together, so close that words are no longer needed...show their love for each other through Distance? R&R H/Hr. After the Final Battle in Hogwarts.
1. Distance

AN: I know I should be updating Perfectus Femina…But God I was reading all the chapters again and realized I needed to renovate it…and you know what happens to a house that gets renovated…yup it is teared down.

I was watching this video as a break from my assignments, if you expect this to be epic this isn't one of them. I tried this for something new. I don't know what I feel about this to be honest.

Watch this video: ** www. youtube watch?v=3t9m3ctrjDw** (remove spaces)

Disclaimer: I don't Own Harry Potter.

XXX

_Hermione's P.O.V._

_Distance_…

It's what you claimed you did not get from me. _Distance_, is what you often asked of for my over bearing presence gets to be too much sometimes. You needed space from the worrisome friend who was always like your tail, like a shadow with a conscience, a nagging voice inside your head; that voice belongs to a person that tried so much to protect you. The very same girl who believed she could, if you were in her keeping she would.

But…

_Distance_ is what you asked for; distance is what you need from me.

For once the world lays forgotten as we stay here inside the cold walls of this Gryffindor room. We are _distant_ from everything. Away from the battle scene that was once a picture here. It's gone like so many things now…

I knew it was always like you to hide.

I see you now, curled up in your red sheets. I see the cuts and bruises on your face, it isn't healed yet and I remind myself tomorrow I would tend to them. I drew closer, your breathing is even, you don't notice someone's here with you. The adrenalin within your veins has died.

I felt like trespassing in your safe sanctuary. I feared I might rob you of a peaceful sleep if you wake now, but I could never keep myself away from you. Never.

I knelt beside your bed, I stared into your close eyes, I'm tempted to smile since you forgot to remove your spectacles in your haste to go to dreamland. I carefully remove it for you and place it on your dresser, beside that half eaten sandwich you recently asked for.

"Harry, I love you…" I tell you these words, words that I have always tried so hard to convey in actions, but words I could not say when you're awake, not when you're listening. I draw strength from our closeness, but sometime I can be brave in our _distance_.

Love. I believe is the most powerful thing. It's what kept me going, it was you. You're my heart.

But I'm not yours…

_Distance_. It is what must become of us. For the first time I have chosen me. I'll make sure to keep away. I'll back off. No more ruining any of your dates like I did with Cho, though unintentional. No more staying by your side when Ginny is finally here. I won't be the cause of you not finding Love.

I'll be keeping an eye on you, I'll be watching from the _distance_, as I always did.

You no longer need me. My job of keeping you alive is done. My wish has been granted and I told myself that if I just get to see you live, live a long and happy life, even if I wasn't in it. I would be happy. Before, I thought that statement to me meant I would give up my life for you. I was willing to sacrifice myself for your life. Now that I live, I view it in another sense. I have sacrificed myself for you.

In a way I did. I have. My experience in the Department of Mysteries proved to me how easily I could have died because of you. It didn't surprise me, what surprised me was knowing I did not mind dying for you. Harry, I would give up my life for you and the reason for that is love.

But I know you won't. You will not love me the way I love you.

I'm your best friend. I know I'm important to you. I'm one of the people you love. But we both know I'm not at the top of that list. I can't…I can't keep on pretending there isn't a priority number in that heart of yours; and mine doesn't say number one. But it's okay…

I've never cared much about me either. Truth is, I've forgotten me a couple or more times.

_Distance_ is what we should have. I need to get away, I need to put myself first and I need to love someone else. Someone, who I actually have a chance to be with. Someone, I could grow to love more than you.

I was always closer to you than Ron. We both know that, but yesterday when I kissed him, we both knew I closed that gap with a kiss. It's going to be that way now…you won't be my priority. We have to be on our own…

I can't keep looking over my shoulder searching for you. I won't be pulled out of a dream and waking up wondering if you were having a nightmare. No more editing your essays and correcting your mistakes. All I ever do is chase you, and I've grown so tired. I won't be waiting for you anymore.

But…

I'll still be your best friend, just one call from you and I'm yours. I'll always be here…but maybe just from the _distance_.

"Goodbye…" I tell you goodbye but not because I'm leaving you. I never could.

I say goodbye…goodbye to the hope of getting closer to you, of me finally being in the same spot of your heart as you are in mine. I say goodbye to this closeness, and now I welcome_ distance_. You don't need me anymore Harry, I no longer play an important part in your life, from now on, I'll just be known as that close friend who helped you in school, whose company you didn't even enjoy, but somehow you needed me to survive. It hurts but…

I'm not gone…just _distant_. And if you happen to wake up and ask me if I'd stay, my reply would be…

_'Always'_.

XXX

_Harry's P.O.V._

I hear the door creek open and then close. I listened to the light footsteps slowly fade against the background of the nightfall. It is eerily quiet in my dorm as I stay here alone, alone but deafened with silence and surrounded by darkness whose claws are as cold as a Dementor's kiss. All I want is numbness, and _distance_…

_Distance_ from the regret that is now between me and the bloody door. So many chances all wasted, it was so close, she was so close as she'd always been. My stupidity is staring at can't i see what has been staring at me for years? I wear glasses for that reason don't I?

But now, now that I have had time to think about life, I realize she has been a big part of it. If she had left, a large part of me would have died. She was my pillar, my savior and my best friend…

"She's like my sister…" I say it again. It still sounded bitter and unnatural just like it did so many nights ago at the Forest of Dean. Bloody wanker, I don't have a sister.

I have to be distant too…for her sake, for them both. I was always in their middle, the bloody stop sign that kept them apart. It's time for her to be happy as I've robbed her of too much with all my recklessness and shortcomings. She deserved happiness and freedom from the lost puppy she helped ever since they've met so many years ago. I'm thankful i met her, I always knew she was special from the moment I saw her.

She deserved better. She deserved to be free of me. She had said her goodbye…maybe it was a goodbye for me. And rightly so…

I no longer needed to protect her, she no longer needs me. I've always held her back, always a burden she had to carry. She's free now.

She'll always be my best friend and I will always love her, now I know as more than a sister. But…

_Distance_…is my gift to her.

"I love you too…" I told the wind, and I hope that whisper of mine could reach her despite the _Distance_.

XXX

AN: For those who hate this don't worry I might delete it tomorrow. I'm not sure how this turned out as I haven't actually read it. But like I said…I can delete this tomorrow if you want.

Anyway a Review would be nice.


	2. Closeness

AN: Okay…so I read this story…and I realized the video that inspired it was definitely better, grammar errors everywhere. But I'm keeping it since I love **guitar-godess16** and **missbookish07**.I also realized one thing…Every time people ask me to continue something one way or another I always seem to say 'no'…like a third part of Nemo was rejected even if I did have a third part for it…and Dream Catcher (my fave), I just love it to pieces that I think writing a second part of it would ruin it so what happened after is still in my head. I just happen to love open endings, but it seems people don't share my love for it. Anyway…to be honest I didn't expect anyone to read this especially since among all my stories this one was written without planning and for people to read it kinda surprised me.

So I dedicate this to people who placed this story on alert.

BTW: Perfectus Femina won't be updated till later after I redo all chapters that are still in my computer so…

My new year's resolution is to try new things…I don't know where this might lead me, but what the heck…so I'm still keeping it complete for now. And if you have suggestions or whatever…I'll always appreciate it.

XXX

_Harry's P.O.V._

Black.

I was running…or flying…

I didn't know really, all I felt was the cool rushing of wind filling the empty spaces between my fingers and pushing back my black tendrils. I didn't have a destination; all I know is that I let myself be lead; be lead constantly to the unknown. I always thought I had a decision to make, to choose, I realized now that I don't. If I knew I was running I could stop now, if I knew I was flying I would pull my broomstick to a halt and just look, asses where I was and figure out why I was in such a hurry to leave. But I didn't know…it's always like this, I never know things until it's too late.

I felt something cold, but it wasn't the cool wind, it was wet and my first instinct told me that my scar must be bleeding, but I felt no pain, just the pronounced cold feeling…I reach out to touch that dampened spot and then…

Light.

I was awake, it was all just a dream and I wasn't bleeding. At first I saw a hazy figure standing in front of the light and shielding me slightly from the blinding sunlight that poured into this empty room. But even without my glasses I knew this person. I knew her too well. My heart beats fast…

I realized I had tightly clutched her hand.

"I see you still sleep with one eye open…" Hermione told me as I quickly let go of her hand. I hope I didn't hurt her. I then grabbed my spectacles that I remembered she had placed last night on my dresser.

"Sorry, it's become a habit." I told her honestly as I finally took her in. She had a small cut on her lip but it was slowly healing, there were some bruises on her cheek and it was clear to me that she had lost weight due to malnutrition for the past months, but she still looked better now than she did a few months ago. I also realized she was holding a wet linen cloth and a bowl with water in it. I see her giving me a weak smile.

"The war is over Harry, you can let go of that habit now." She told me as she scooted closer on my bed and began tending to the cut on my eyebrow. She was so close that I could see the small freckles scattered on her nose and the flecks of gold against her brown eyes. Close enough that I see the flickering of her eyes at a spot on my forehead and close enough that I anticipated her next words.

"Does it hurt?" Hermione asked me as she stared at me with that comforting concern laced in her words and her actions. I smiled slightly at her.

"It no longer does, like you said, it's over." She nods her head in understanding and then she opened her mouth as if to say something and then closing it suddenly too, I suspect she wanted to tell me something. One look from her and I know that something involved me, but she was reluctant, if she wants to keep mum it's always for a good reason.

"I know you came here last night…" I told her and I felt the tensing of her limbs as she stooped cleaning my wound. Her brown eyes were wide open in clear shock. She was staring at me in surprise and I noticed she was close, close enough for me to see the reddening of her pale cheeks. I'm tempted to smile but I can't, because I realized I didn't intend to say that to her, but I did and there's nothing that I could about it.

"Did you-" She begun, I could feel the quiver in her voice and the slight breaking of it like a vase that's held to pieces by a thin glue…she was suddenly so fragile.

"Yes. I was awake. Like you said I sleep with one eye open." I told her honestly, I don't know why my voice was so calm for somehow I felt fear within me. Probably it's because I now wear a set of new eyes to see the world.

When I was young I thought life was bitter and that I didn't deserve to live. When I got my Hogwarts letter I learned life was unpredictable and so was my surviving till my seventeenth birthday. And when I learned I needed to die, I thought death was a friend and life was my mistress. But now that I survived I don't know what life is…

I felt rather than saw Hermione's intake of breath.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked me, the first thing that comes into my mind is to ask her if she meant it when she said she loves me, and if she did, in what way. But then I realized I didn't have enough courage for that, like I said I need to distance myself from her so that I can give her the freedom she deserved.

"Why did you say goodbye?"

"Oh, that…well, last night…I, I want to leave Harry." She told me determinedly.

"Leave? Why?"

"I want to find my parents. I know the Final Battle is over, and yes, out of respect I would prefer to stay here until…well, until the services are over, but, there are some death eaters that escaped and I worry. I'm worried they'll find my parents. I know you'll be busy and I didn't know if I'll get to say a goodbye, I thought I'll be writing my goodbye to you to be honest." Hermione explained as she started twisting and playing with the linen cloth in her hands.

"Does Ron know?"

"Yes, he does. I talked to him about it. He's actually the one that told me I should go. He said that family is important and that I should find them now. He even wanted to go with me, but I told him his family needs him and that he's in no condition to travel."

"I'll go with you."

"No…you won't. You don't have too Harry. Ron will need you here; many people will need you here." Hermione told me in an almost commanding voice.

"You won't be going alone, so if you won't let Ron or me come with you at least ask for someone to accompany you."

"Yes I will. Now, let's heal this wound shall we?" Hermione told me as she grabbed some healing ointment and carefully dabbed it on my cut. I stared at her again. I don't know why, why I've always been so stubborn. Even if I promised I wouldn't come between her and Ron I still can't let go of wanting to be close to her. I never realized how I loved being near her, knowing that she trusts in me, that I always have her, and that it hurt so much when she doesn't.

"Why did you kiss him?" I suddenly asked her and once again I am appalled and shocked by my own bluntness. Bloody idiot, why do I always do things before thinking?

"Oh, uhm…you mean Ron?" She suddenly asked me quite nervously and I slightly frowned at her.

"Unless you've been kissing other blokes." I told her and I note that I sounded bitter and she stopped dabbing the balm on my forehead and stared at me in surprised. I instantly regret offending her.

"No, I haven't been kissing other blokes, and I kissed Ron because I wanted to." Hermione told me indignantly and I can see she was mad. I know I should stop talking while I could still save our friendship but like I said, I might be suffering from a concussion because it is all messed up.

"Why did you want to?"

"I don't see why this concerns you. But if you must know, he said something that I found admirable and so I kissed him."

"He said something admirable, and how about all the things I said or did, didn't you find that admirable?" And there goes the last screw in my head. I have officially gone nutter, with this statement I know I have placed enough distance between me and Hermione. More distance that I have originally bargained for.

"What did you say?" Hermione looked at me with a gobsmack expression of her face as if she didn't believe I would be saying those things, and neither could I. I really should just stop talking now.

"Forget I said anything." I told her suddenly very uncomfortable as I made a move to get out of the bed. I'm suddenly very aware that I had no plans of confessing my feeling to her. And if such a notion did pass my extremely feeble mind I would have intended to do it when I no longer have cuts and bruises and after I had taken a real bath and not just some cleansing charms that didn't get rid of the grim feeling of the after effects of war. As I made a move to leave Hermione's voice echoed inside the room.

"Harry James Potter! You won't be leaving this room until you explain yourself." She spoke in such a commanding and bossy voice that I'm reminded she often uses this tone to scold Ron or I or both. I reluctantly turned towards her but I didn't move any closer. Hermione sighed and she too stood up from her place and approached me but leaving some space between us. Despite the distance, I'm aware of our closeness.

"What do you mean about me not finding you admirable? Because I do, you know I always have." Hermione explained to me and I sighed. I didn't know if this time was right, and I don't know if I'll ever grow out of my reckless nature but right now, now that I'm staring at her pleading eyes I realize I have never truly explained myself to her for she always did seem to know or figure it out already.

"Hermione, I… I don't want to offend you anymore than I have. You and Ron are my best friends, you two are my family. I don't want to lose you both. Please ask me any question just not that." I told her and Hermione sighed, I can see she was deeply troubled and slightly hurt, maybe she thought I didn't trust her enough, but it's not her that I don't trust, it's myself. But she opened her mouth once again.

"Harry, I need for you to answer this question, just this question and we can forget about this conversation, because I need to know. Is that alright?" She asked me and I simply nodded my head.

"What do you think of me?" She asked me suddenly and I am taken back. What did I think of her? Is that even a real question? It seemed like an introduction to a story.

"What I think of you? You're my best friend, I think you're brilliant and the bravest person I have ever known. You know, you're the only one that never left me at times that I have given up. You're the one that believed me at times that I didn't even believe in myself. Hermione you never left, you always stayed and I don't think I have ever thank you for that." I told her honestly and I can see the misting of her eyes and I knew she was holding back tears.

"Well, uhm…that was sweet of you. You're my best friend Harry; you don't need to thank me. I'm glad I helped you all this time, that's all I've ever wanted. I don't know if we'll still be friends after all these for you won't be needing me anymore, but I'm glad I've been a part of your life. I better go now." Hermione told me as she made her way passed me and towards the door. I felt that this was all wrong and I don't know why, why I waited this long to tell her…

"Hermione," I called her name and she stopped in her tracks to look at me.

"I don't love you because I need you. I need you because I love you." I told her and I can see tears streaming down her eyes. I felt I had the absolute wrong timing in the whole world but I can't bear seeing her hurt. She's been hurt because of me for so many times now, and that's one habit I certainly wanted to break.

"I think you're the bravest person in the world for flying with me even if you're afraid of heights. I think you're so brilliant, you always have the answers, you're so perfect in everything you do and that's why when you ask to see my test results I always hide them from you. I don't want to see you disappointed. You always believed in me at times that I don't, I never knew I wanted to be prefect until you came showing off your badge and telling me you were happy we both were, only I wasn't. I always felt bad when we fight, I try so hard to stay mad at you and often times I get tired, I never knew why I always was so determined to, maybe it's because I know you're the person who could hurt me the most. I was slightly bitter you didn't think of me as your date to Slughorn's party when I thought of you first and not even Ginny. And I never knew how much I appreciated that I have you with me than during the months we were together and how much it pained me to see you so sad, so sad that Ron left and I was the reason. And I think you are pretty ever since you fixed your teeth, but you've been more beautiful as years gone by. Hermione if you still want to know what I think of you, I might be writing an 'Hermione Granger A History'. What I'm trying to say is that I love you." I told her and before I could process to myself that I have just told Hermione that I love her she had flung herself at me and enclosed me in her famous bone crushing hug.

"That was the most articulate thing you've ever said about your feelings." She whispered and I smiled slightly as I returned her embrace.

"I forgot to say you're the first person to ever give me a hug." I told her and she laughed slightly at that.

"Do I have to tell you what I think of you?" Hermione asked me as she removed her arms from around my neck and I can see the slow stream of tears pouring from her brown eyes. I took her in, and now I finally see her as a woman and not just a girl, and just seeing her older now reminded me that I grew up with her. And that everything she has done, I have seen and what I saw, I saw love. I realized we didn't need distance and that despite our closeness we could still be closer.

"No, I already know you find me extremely brave, me being a good teacher, and a good flyer among other things."

"You forgot I also think you're incredibly thick."

"Not thick enough to not remember you find my kissing more than satisfactory and that I've never been more fanciable."

"Yes, probably I should add arrogant to that list don't you agree?" Hermione teased me and I'm reminded that everyone I knew and was close to me always suspected something going on between the two of us, and that was because they were right.

"But hopefully I don't have an emotional range of a teaspoon."

"Nope, yours is probably a ladle. Oh God, Ron…Harry." Hermione looked at me worriedly and suddenly we were both enveloped in an uncomfortable silence.

Then I'm reminded of Ron my best friend. Our best friend and I realized why I have been so reluctant all this time it's because she's not mine. She's Ron, and I practically gave her to Ron so many nights ago. The elated feeling that I have was gone replaced with dread. And while I still have the chance to salvage our friendship I turned to Hermione and asked her a simple question.

"Hermione, do you love me like I do?" And she gave me a bemused expression before leaping at me and giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. But that was enough for me to understand that she did, maybe even more than I did.

Now that I have her this close I wouldn't dare let her go. Not when I realized that in distance I long, long for her to be by my side like she always have.

"We need to tell Ron."

XXX

**AN:** And that's the end of it, or at least that's all I have in my head so far. I've been reading way too many Harmony essays so yeah I'm pretty sure I ripped off some of the authors (of those brilliant essays that makes me proud to be a Harmony shipper) for Harry's reasons but oh well. I wanted it to keep it short but I've always have the tendency to write long things so I'm sorry for that. Anyway the reason why Harry and Hermione didn't say to each other directly that they love each other is that they thought they had so many things to lose and Ron is one of them. And I'm pretty convince he's the biggest reason why.

And the conversation is something I always wanted Harry and Hermione to have. I mean Hermione always found Harry admirable, and Ron says something about the elves and tadah they kissed. I'm pretty sure Harry is more admirable…But I don't hate Ron.

I hope the people who thought this was sad, well I hoped you like this.

Review.


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